Fear of Insects

A long time ago, we had a conference where one of the ice breakers was to tell people what your biggest pet peeve was.  Most people said, dishonesty or traffic or immorality or smoking but I said bugs.  Just in general.  Bugs.  Of all things in the world, the thing that bugged me the most were bugs.  

I didn't realize then that moving to Singapore would be my worst nightmare come true.  It's like a safe haven for bugs.  90 degrees and humid means that it's always warm enough for them to survive and there is a plentiful supply of water nearby.  The most disgusting experience was one morning when I got to work and there were ants crawling out from inside my laptop.  I got rid of 5 of them but I'm pretty sure there's still another one lurking...  

I was really freaking out that day but then remembered that there was a time when bugs didn't bother me.  My reaction towards people shrieking when bugs were around was similar to my reaction to kids turning away in screaming "ewwww!" when cinderella finally kisses the prince.  I didn't get why it was gross.  You'll have to kiss a boy someday and bugs are the most numerous creatures in the world.  Just live with it.

It dawned on me why I dislike bugs.  It was all because of 1984, the book.  

While reading the book, I decided that I wanted a stupid fear.  One that wouldn't actually cause harm.  I thought that the fear of spiders wasn't too bad... but spiders could still be dangerous.  So, I decided that I would be scared of ALL bugs and when they came after me, all they had to do was surround me in a room of ants and I'd be all set.  So, I did my best to convince myself that I'm terrified of bugs.  And it worked.  Much too well.  I also didn't realize that I chose something so banal that really, it can be encountered anywhere but still the cause the same amount of distress.  I set it up so that Singapore would be similar to an interrogation room to me.... yep, good job. 

Well, now that I realize this, I've declared to myself that I'm no longer scared of bugs.  Unfortunately, I read 1984 when I was like, 13 so the fear of bugs has been instilled in me for about a decade and instilled during a time when my mind was much more impressionable (oh, Great Expectations, I really don't think I should have read you when I was 12).  So wish me luck.  So far I'm no longer afraid of bugs less than 1.5cm, which I think is a pretty big accomplishment :)